May 21, 2009
Miracle#0012 Went to the shelf where I left coffee dick. Found a note he’d left for me. It said he’d gone for coffee, but I had my doubts as I’ve never known him to actually drink coffee. I waited up all night for him and at 7am I received a phone call. Private number. I could hear mumbling and some kind of loud party in the background. It sounded like cha-cha music or something. The mumbling was incomprehensible except for one sentence. “…just because you say essay a lot doesn’t mean you’re not illiterate”I think he might have been in Mexico. I just hope he’s ok and that he’s got a dick in him.  

Miracle#0012

Went to the shelf where I left coffee dick. Found a note he’d left for me. It said he’d gone for coffee, but I had my doubts as I’ve never known him to actually drink coffee. I waited up all night for him and at 7am I received a phone call. Private number. I could hear mumbling and some kind of loud party in the background. It sounded like cha-cha music or something. The mumbling was incomprehensible except for one sentence.
“…just because you say essay a lot doesn’t mean you’re not illiterate”
I think he might have been in Mexico. I just hope he’s ok and that he’s got a dick in him.  

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May 21, 2009
Miracle#0011 Hello loyal followers. I’ve missed you. First up I must apologise for my absence. I’m sincerely sorry. After my message in a bottle from jesus I went a little crazy. I quit my job and went on a 7 month spiritual journey, which found me living in a bombed out aeroplane somewhere in a dessert in russia or maybe it was israel. I can’t remember, jesus guided me there and all I could see on the journey was jesus and mel gibson. After months of meditation it suddenly dawned on me that I was hungry, so I have returned home to melbourne. I ate a small McChicken meal and a Deluxe cheeseburger, which is only available for a limited time and is fairly delicious. I got a new job to pay for the food as well. Meanwhile, coffee dick has been patiently waiting for my return. Tomorrow, I will bring coffee dick to work and make mel gibsons day. I can only pray that he will forgive me. Love.

Miracle#0011

Hello loyal followers. I’ve missed you. First up I must apologise for my absence. I’m sincerely sorry. After my message in a bottle from jesus I went a little crazy. I quit my job and went on a 7 month spiritual journey, which found me living in a bombed out aeroplane somewhere in a dessert in russia or maybe it was israel. I can’t remember, jesus guided me there and all I could see on the journey was jesus and mel gibson.

After months of meditation it suddenly dawned on me that I was hungry, so I have returned home to melbourne. I ate a small McChicken meal and a Deluxe cheeseburger, which is only available for a limited time and is fairly delicious. I got a new job to pay for the food as well.

Meanwhile, coffee dick has been patiently waiting for my return. Tomorrow, I will bring coffee dick to work and make mel gibsons day. I can only pray that he will forgive me.

Love.

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September 3, 2008
Check out this little mmmbaby... (CLICK HERE or wateva)
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September 1, 2008
Miracle #0010 Before you get a hard on, its not a coffee dick. Its a message in a bottle. yes. it just appeared in my mel gibsons day mug and i can barely believe it myself. The message reads as follows: Dear Mel Gibson, Why did you make that movie? Are you a drug addict? C’mon man… I love you, but.. fuck. BTW, You’re still not getting into Heaven. Love Jesus.

Miracle #0010

Before you get a hard on, its not a coffee dick. Its a message in a bottle. yes. it just appeared in my mel gibsons day mug and i can barely believe it myself. The message reads as follows:

Dear Mel Gibson,

Why did you make that movie? Are you a drug addict? C’mon man… I love you, but.. fuck.

BTW, You’re still not getting into Heaven.

Love Jesus.

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July 31, 2008

Miracle #0009

Um. it worked. the nail polish worked!!!!!!
oH YEh hell yeah. ohhhhfutatenyaaaaaaaa puttameeeesumooooooo putemmmyaaaaa itsss the mooost wonderfulll timmeee of the yeaaar

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July 28, 2008
Disaster #0001 I dropped it. I dropped coffee dick. There I was, tossing him up n down, talking to a colleage on the way to get a coffee. and one slip and… I fucken dropped coffee dick. CRACK! The sound of a mug smashing up and we both knew before we looked at the ground that I’d ruined the mug. but when I looked… wait… wait one fucking minute… one piece? just a hairline crack?? I’ll fill it up, maybe it won’t leak.It leaked.Fuck, sticky tape, that’ll hold it!Still leaked.I’ll patch it up with mums nail polish. maybe that’ll hold it?!maybe… fucking please god, please goddamit for fucking chrissake let this mother bitch live on.I’ll let you know if it worked… (yet to be tested)pray with me, please. To be continued…

Disaster #0001

I dropped it. I dropped coffee dick. There I was, tossing him up n down, talking to a colleage on the way to get a coffee. and one slip and… I fucken dropped coffee dick. CRACK! The sound of a mug smashing up and we both knew before we looked at the ground that I’d ruined the mug. but when I looked… wait… wait one fucking minute… one piece? just a hairline crack??

I’ll fill it up, maybe it won’t leak.
It leaked.
Fuck, sticky tape, that’ll hold it!
Still leaked.
I’ll patch it up with mums nail polish. maybe that’ll hold it?!
maybe… fucking please god, please goddamit for fucking chrissake let this mother bitch live on.
I’ll let you know if it worked… (yet to be tested)
pray with me, please.

To be continued…

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July 28, 2008
Miracle #0008 I wish my coffee was made out of dicks. And instead of drinking them, I’d suck them.Oh yeah dude, now we’re sucking some dicks. This youtube clip is a fucking miracle.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQsbkHjxTNY

Miracle #0008

I wish my coffee was made out of dicks. And instead of drinking them, I’d suck them.
Oh yeah dude, now we’re sucking some dicks.

This youtube clip is a fucking miracle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQsbkHjxTNY

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July 12, 2008
Miracle #0007 Wow a dick.

Miracle #0007

Wow a dick.

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July 12, 2008
Miracle #0006 Hi Folks, J-Doodle here on the mike, guest blogging for the 6th installment of Coffee Dick and i can tell you right now i think this could be the best one yet! Before you say it, i know what your all thinking. HOW THE FUCK COULD THIS ONE POSSIBLY BE MORE MIRACULOUS THAN MIRACLE NUMBER 3! and yes i do realise that number 3 has been a crowd favourite ever since it was first seen by all you fans on the 30th of February 2008 but i think that once you really get a good look at miracle coffee dick number 6 your minds are gonna change. and be blown. This will blow your mind. Thanks for your continued support of Coffee Dick. I’ve been J-Doodle, and youve been beautiful.

Miracle #0006

Hi Folks,

J-Doodle here on the mike, guest blogging for the 6th installment of Coffee Dick and i can tell you right now i think this could be the best one yet!

Before you say it, i know what your all thinking. HOW THE FUCK COULD THIS ONE POSSIBLY BE MORE MIRACULOUS THAN MIRACLE NUMBER 3! and yes i do realise that number 3 has been a crowd favourite ever since it was first seen by all you fans on the 30th of February 2008 but i think that once you really get a good look at miracle coffee dick number 6 your minds are gonna change. and be blown.

This will blow your mind.

Thanks for your continued support of Coffee Dick. I’ve been J-Doodle, and youve been beautiful.

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July 2, 2008
Miracle #0005 Oh fair cup, you chalice my life blood, and yet your beauty doth of itself persuade. And tho you quench my needs and flow thru and thru and offer yourself wholly to me, replenishment is of the tounge and mind, but incomplete. Oh true you have turned the niggard to a complacent soul and swiftly attacked the churl in my heart. But my envious eyes creak open in search of their own gift, to feed on beauty and find but nothing. Flickers and wavers of dull light, no shadow or hue to ease into focus, no gift for eyes red as my own. But what is this, fine cup? One final gift? Hath you felt my focus scrape by and answered to their unheard cries? Oh fair dregs of lifeblood undrinkable - you have arranged your form to please yet again! Your beauty within is unspeakable! You are slave to my every whim and need, for this phallus which presents is like the sweet kisses of a thousand angels upon my eye balls. I saith to the heavens - Oh fine cup of angels! glory, behold!

Miracle #0005

Oh fair cup, you chalice my life blood, and yet your beauty doth of itself persuade. And tho you quench my needs and flow thru and thru and offer yourself wholly to me, replenishment is of the tounge and mind, but incomplete. Oh true you have turned the niggard to a complacent soul and swiftly attacked the churl in my heart. But my envious eyes creak open in search of their own gift, to feed on beauty and find but nothing. Flickers and wavers of dull light, no shadow or hue to ease into focus, no gift for eyes red as my own. But what is this, fine cup? One final gift? Hath you felt my focus scrape by and answered to their unheard cries? Oh fair dregs of lifeblood undrinkable - you have arranged your form to please yet again! Your beauty within is unspeakable! You are slave to my every whim and need, for this phallus which presents is like the sweet kisses of a thousand angels upon my eye balls. I saith to the heavens - Oh fine cup of angels! glory, behold!

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